Local lo baat

"Aaj nahi milegi 9:31". People will find it hard to understand this statement. No, not because it is in hinglish but because it is closely related to Aapli Local from Aamchi Mumbai. When the world is driven by the principle of Time Is Money we Mumbaikars have no option but to believe that Time Is Everything. The suburban railway network (local trains) is one big reason behind we believing so.

Mumbai - "the city that never sleeps",  "the city in the fast lane", "the city where you craft your dreams to reality". Yes, all this is true and justified for Mumbai. And again we Mumbaikars can thank the local trains for playing a big role in making Mumbai what it is. Above all, what local trains have given us is a unique lifestyle. A pacy, stick to the schedule, go anywhere anytime lifestyle that almost every single Mumbaikar gets to experience at some point of time. But like every lifestyle, this too has left some ill effects on everyone.

Rushing - "jaldi karo bhai". If you just walked in to this bustling metropolis, you are bound to experience a sudden acceleration and find yourself running out of fuel on a daily basis. One wrong step and a rude question "naya hai kya?" will be coming your way. So watch your clock and your steps.

Pushing - in local trains, get used to being pushed and dashed. You can't board even an empty 'Dabba'(bogey) without pushing. If you hesitate to push you sure will be adjudged as a newbee and will apparently become a cast out. You can surely expect people to be helpful. But only after they are done with uploading there share of information which most probably will be of no use to you.

Arguing - it becomes but necessary to react to someone or something in an aggressive manner when you are rushing all the time and pushing everyone. A sorry after a push in a rush receives "andha hai kya?" in reply. Then "andha kisko bola be" becomes a mere formality.

Adjusting - it is one thing that comes handy when its messy most of the times. A request for 4th seat, "bhai thoda khiskoge?" is a great probability if you are third person on the seat and seating comfortable. "Agar aaram se rehna hai to first class se jao", that actually means you have no right to feel comfortable even in an empty rake, pls make yourself uncomfortable. And then you got to adjust to the people boarding the train before you even start getting down. Going against the flow has no better example. Let the passengers alight first instruction isn't relevant and you got to adjust to it.

That is not all but not all is that and there surely is a brighter side. When Mumbai breathes it is the local train that pumps the oxygen in it. It has come a long way since it first chugged on 16 April 1953 at 3:35 pm IST. The people too have come a long way with it. The city from Bombay to Mumbai has always found a great companion in Suburban Railway Network. And there's a long way to go for this partnership and the people. I will end this with one last suggestion to all the Mumbaikars, " don't rush, don't push, don't argue or adjust. Ek gai to dusri milegi na bhai".

Come Spit In India

Spitting is the biggest hobby of us Indians. We are so proud of it that we readily embrace this habit as the hobby. Be it railway station or a footpath or be it our own society compound, we always feel pride in selflessly painting the carpet with this unique God's gift called saliva.

I await the day when we have those ponds reserved for spitting into. Being so addicted to this eternal hobby, we deserve such reservations in our reservation centric Nation. Soon we can also expect our PM to launch a SPITTATHON to encourage spitting. Considering the government officials and Netas are biggest thuk laganewale we can expect one of them to win it.

We also need to remove the lines from our primary education text book where it mentions, avoid spitting in public places, it may spread diseases. This teaching will only deter our youth from taking spitting to next level. They should instead be taught to use water to gargle and spit if at odd times they run out of saliva.

Producers of Krantiveer movie can also relaunch the sequel of the movie and can replace blood from the famous ye musalmaan ka khoon ye hindu ka khoon dialogue with the spit. Trust me, ye musalman ki thuk aur ye hindu ki thuk will have a larger impact on the spit loving Indian audience. So spit even has religious significance.

Finally, I think gutkha, pan, tobacco, khaini should make it to the new list of staple food as they encourage spitting. People addicted to these items don't feel the need of buying sprays to display the art of graffiti they possess.

If we can achieve all of these we will consolidate our title of largest spitting nation for next 100 years(or may be forever). Then we can replace our 'Incredible India' tagline with more appropriate and catchy phrase; "Come Spit In India".